I started writing down”Things to remember” a while back, once I realized that I am going to forget so many of these moments. It is mostly for me and maybe it will turn into something bigger, but for now I hope that you can find something useful in my musings in-between the memories.
Things to Remember:
Washing dishes to music at the kitchen sink. Snow still falling outside. John reads to Ana in the front room. The realization that I will miss this as they grow and turn towards other things. Of how much this life is breaking my body and mind and filling my heart. A promise to myself to not mourn (well, not for long, anyways) the “emptiness” of the nest when that far-off, so-close day comes but rather to feel the fullness that moments like these ones bring.
Because even now, I have emptiness. A human, raw, unavoidable emptiness. They say that remembering love and gratitude, loving yourself, generosity- that all these things will make the uneasy feeling go away. But who are we without those depths that reach in the opposite direction of joy? Doesn’t some of the beauty and terror of our lives exist in the fact that the most beautiful moments can be borne of or followed by despair, and that we can find the seeds of great joy within destruction…especially of ourselves?